Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The Final Solution: The Sunny Side of a Republican Controlled Congress

If those who wanted Hillary to win had gotten what they wished for, they would have simply gone back to everyday life, with its petty insults, snubs and petty defeats. Now they are bonded together against the threat to all the things they hold dear whether it be the Supreme Court, the dream of universal health care, subsidized college education or globalization. So there's good in the bad. One door closes and another opens. The glass may have been emptied, but it’s still half full. There’s a sunny side of the street that occurs when you share a struggle with somebody. Soldiers in the trenches all have one thing in common: the adversary. Talk to anyone who attends AA meetings. People have their differences but they’re united in one cause which transcends all their other woes, the desire to stop drinking. “Our primary purpose it to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety,” reads the AA preamble. So now that the initial shock has passed and Democrats face the depressing reality of a Republican controlled congress and executive, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel and that rests in the prospect of comradery with fellow sufferers. Instead of hatred and frustration why not enjoy the strength that can come in unity? It’s one of the reasons people like to congregate at houses of worship, whether they be temples, churches, mosques or simply sports stadiums or concert venues. "So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin" or just mediate.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Sperm Count: Should You Give Your Child Viagra?

Remember those films they used to show you about cavities when you were a kid. The teeth were pictured as white knights who were in danger of being attacked by decay. The result was like one of those medieval pageants where the crusades are reenacted. But what about bringing awareness of other maladies to the young? We have all read about the tragic consequences of children being administered anti-depressants, but perhaps there are other conditions and medications that are more appropriate for tots.Why not for instance create a film for toddlers about the dangers of impotence? You may have seen the commercials on television about back pain. There’s one were a dog comes up to his owner with a leash in his mouth and a plaintive look in its eye, except we know that dog won’t be walked until the owner gets a spine job. What about a similarly morose looking older man who's suffering from erectile dysfunction? In his case instead of a dog appearing with a leash in its mouth, it's a woman who appears in front of the older fellow wearing a negligee and heels, her lips painted with garish red lipstick. Like the dog she’s hot to trot, but her owner doesn’t feel the same way. Children should be warned about the dangers of dreaded erectile dysfunction (an ailment that strikes approximately 30 million men in America and doesn't make America great) in the same way that they learn about tooth decay and the best way to demonstrate its effects is through animations which show blood flowing into a penis that slowly becomes swollen and hard. Soon however, unconscious oedipal residues begin to appear as little comic book bubbles. These might include depictions of fighting parents or other traumatic events from childhood. Anti-depressants might not be necessary or advisable for infants, but in a age where there are pills that seem to have solutions for everything, why not introduce children’s-sized  doses of Viagra or Cialis? Then every time your two year old has an intimation he's losing his mojo, he'll get used  to taking the same steps that Dad does when the woman in his life shows up with a leash in her mouth.

Monday, November 28, 2016

The Final Solution: What Endearment Will Donald Trump Use For Kim Jong-un?

sketch of Kim Jong-un ( User P388388 on Wikipedia Commons)
Donald Trump has said that he will talk to Kim Jong-un ("Donald Trump would speak with North Korea's Kim Jong un," CNN, 5/18/16). But what will he say? Will he call him “Mr. Piggy” and attack him for his weight the way he did Alicia Machado, the Miss Universe winner (“Shamed and Angry: Alicia Machado, A Miss Universe Mocked By Donald Trump,” NYT, 9/27/16). Will he accompany Kim Jong-un to the gym so that reporters can watch him try to lose his front porch through exercise? And what about the hair? Will the pot call the kettle black? Donald Trump’s famous blow dry used car salesman look has been immortalized by Alec Baldwin on SNL, but will he still go after Kim Jong-un's special do, which looks a little like the helmet worn by Pat O’Brien in Knut Rockne: All American (l940) You had “Crooked Hillary,”  “Little Marco” and “Lying Ted,” but what words is he going to use to disarm competitors like Vladimir Putin and Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi? What is going to be his soubriquet for the liberal Pope Francis, "Francis the talking mule?" Now that so many of Trump’s rivals have fallen to the wayside, these slurs begin to sound like endearments and you could see the nicknames beginning to stick in a good way. But getting back to the North Korean leader, what’s Trump really going to call him, Tubby? And will "Tubby Kim," "Crooked Hillary," "Little Marco," and "Lying Ted" all find themselves contestants on the new Apprentice: Gold Plated Edition which is auditioning in the now magical elevator bank in the lobby of Trump Tower?

Friday, November 25, 2016

The Final Solution: Caveat Emptor!

Henry Kissinger with Mao Tse-tung and Zhou Enlai (photo: Oliver Atkins)
There have been reports about the president elect meeting lots of pretenders to the cabinet and also prominent democrats such as Mayor De Blasio and Chuck Schumer. There is some common ground between Schumer and Trump. Both Trump and Schumer opposed the Iran nuclear treaty and we would suppose that Schumer would agree with Trump on the need for major spending on infrastructure as a way of putting people to work—something that Republicans in congress thwarted and may very well attempt to restrain again. Tea Party conservatives in particular don’t approve of spending. An area of common interest between Trump and our current lame duck president is the fact that America's allies have to begin to pick up the tab, but an area in which the former president and his successor would not be in agreement would be the support of the rebel cause in Syria. Trump also met with Henry Kissinger and without putting words in the mouth of the former secretary of state one could imagine him arguing that an alliance with the Russians and Syrians against ISIS might make sense--something about which Trump may agree. But what other price would have to be paid? Where will Trump draw the line regarding Russian intrusions into the now balkanized states of the former U.S.S.R.–such as what happened in the Crimea? Of all these meetings the one with Kissinger may be the most telling. It’s often been commented that Trump doesn’t seem to have an ideology (in fact it’s one of the criticisms of him by Republicans who don’t think he’s a real conservative).  But what seems to be Trump’s modus operandi and something which served him well in winning the primaries and finally the election is his ability to sniff blood. He’s the epitome of Spencerian Social Darwinist. Whatever his views on evolution, he plainly believes in the survival of the fittest is what governs interactions in society. Such a view is naturally amoral since its is based on the notion of predator and prey, with the stronger surviving and perpetuating the species. Trump’s much criticized reticence about committing himself to the results of the election actually defines his stance in most affairs. He will meet with anyone (he has said he would talk to Kim Jong-un--"Trump says he would host Kim Jong Un in U.S,CNN, 6/15/16). All the pieces are on the table in the Trump universe. Trump got his stripes in the cut throat world of Manhattan real estate. Caveat Emptor!

Thursday, November 24, 2016

The Final Solution: A Thanksgiving Message (or Ain't Too Proud To Hate)

A friend writes, I have been thinking about your recent posts and I have to say I agree about Republicans. I can’t look them in the eye, any of ‘em, but especially those who voted for Trump. I have always considered myself a fairly rigid and closed minded person who really isn’t interested in anything but myself and in particular that part of the anatomy which most men hold onto most tenaciously. However, I have noted I am even more rigid and closed-minded lately. I have never liked whining liberals, petitions, any demonstrators who adversely affect alternate side of the street parking (and especially those who are on the verge of becoming a lynch mob) and so on. However, I'm becoming more closed-minded and rigid, if that's possible. Republicans to me used to be simply Republicans and a Republican porn star was just as attractive as a Democratic leaning one (you know what direction we are talking about), but now I can’t watch the videos of porn stars who have supported Trump (a larger number than we predicted). The divide is too big. In all seriousness I couldn’t even butt fuck a Trump supporter. That is how bad it’s gotten for me. Love, your self-centered self righteous yes wishy washy liberal friend.”