Pandora by Jules Joseph Lefebvre (1882) |
You go to an otolaryngologist for throat problems, but an
ichthyologist if you’re the old man in the Hemingway novel and want to know
what fish your wrestling with. Herpetologists are consulted about the
representation of snakes in Egyptian mythology and if you want to understand
Vladimir Nabokov, who collected butterflies, then you’d better know your lepidoptera. See an arachnologist if you have a question about spiders. If you’re interested in charitable matters then get used to the
word eleemosynary and if you’re the kind of person who is always anticipating questions
don’t feel bad if you’re accused of prolepsis. It could be worse. You could be
rebarbative or morganatic, which is to say that you may be one of the royalty,
but you won’t be able to pass on your title. There are so many more quotidian
words to describe human aspirations. I’d rather be a quisling than a person who
sells out his own country. I’d rather suffer the psychoanalytic condition of
après coup than a mere trauma. Bipolarity and borderline disorders are such
ubiquitous diagnoses these days that they literal demand bigger words with
little tails like casus belli. I
would much rather suffer a paraphilia than be a simply pervert. Irredentism is
a conversation stopper, but what would you prefer an ugly silence or another
boring and destructive civil war since there are always those little breakaways
that are not going to happily allow themselves to be reconstituted into the
whole. Are you just a utilitarian who’s read his Jeremy Bentham and John Stuart
Mill or consequentialist? Getting down and dirty do you follow the Chicago
school and supply side economics or do you hearken back to Herbert Spencer’s
social Darwinism? Call a spade a spade. Don’t settle for being a game theorist
when you can, following Philippa Foot, become a prodigy of trolleyology. Why
study loss aversion when you can pursue neuro-economics? Tinnitus is annoying,
but tintinnabulation can be majestic. Everyone wants a six pack, but an
extended word is not a distended stomach. It need not be a Pandora’s Box. It’s
a form of prestidigitation that will broaden your event horizon.