Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Your Impossible Whopper

Burger King has come up with an ingenious locution for its meatless creation. The Impossible Whopper! A "whopper" is, by definition, something that’s over the top, but it can also be a lie or perhaps a lie that’s over the top—which might also be a delusion or grandiose dream. The Impossible Whopper is currently priced at $5.99, but it’s the perfect food for someone who suffers from grandiosity and low self-esteem, seemingly unlikely bedfellows which happen to be signature traits of the addictive personality. If you’re a piece of shit at the center of the universe, you’re going to love biting into this bewitching Hail Mary of food stuffs. When you go to a fast food place, you’re likely to miss the subtleties, since you’re in a hurry. For instance, the Big Mac is saying something, but its message is simpler as in Wendy's famed “where’s the beef?” And let’s not forget not forget that chain's "Terminator," the “Baconator” which exists in a world of its own. The Impossible Whopper may have your name on it, if you tell fibs that no one believes (which is a maladaptive form of larceny) or if you’re a romantic who’s in love with the invisible and unattainable and always prefers that which doesn’t exist to that which is sitting before you on your plate.

Read "The Seven Ages of One Man" by Francis Levy, The East Hampton Star

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