Pornosophy: The Joys and Pitfalls of Domesticity

Domesticity can be a source of great solace. You see the same person all the time, and in the most intimate settings imaginable, and you don’t think twice about it. Though they’re the center of your life, it’s as if they don’t exist. Same sex roommates rarely experience the kind of enmeshment that characterizes couples who have come out of the romantic stages of their relationships and are in for the long haul. There's even a scene during Performance a l970 film about a reclusive rock star where the characters played by Mick Jagger and Anita Pallenberg evince an almost horrifying familiarity with each other as they walk around in their underwear. It’s possible to reduce even the sexiest of stars to a humdrum lifestyle which was one of the achievements of the film. But it’s important not to let this go to far. Familiarity breeds contempt goes the old saw and no one wants to get to the point where the sight of a once loved object produces indifference. How to maintain sexual chemistry and the comfort and trust that derives from routine? The answer is that it requires a certain amount of work. Never get to the point where the sight of your other half’s secondary sex characteristics is taken for granted. Like Kegel exercises which increase bladder control, sexualization of partners requires practice. You have to constant remind yourself that the person in front of you is not your beloved so and so, but a naked man or woman. If you look at the one you love as if they were a stranger, you will love them even more.