Sperm Count: Goodbye to Eden

"The Garden of Earthly Delights" by Hieronymus Bosch

Will mankind be condemned to an existence of loving sex? Is that the next rung on the evolutionary ladder. Taking a Darwinian survival of the fittest point of view, it would seem that those men and women who fit the guidelines of the affirmative consent statutes recently passed in both California and New York will find that their genes are naturally selective, while those who aren’t turned on to reciprocity in sex and prefer S&M, B&D, humiliation and a thousand other paraphilias, and have read the Story of O and Return to the Chateau so many times that they can reiterate the hot passages in their sleep not to speak of The 120 Days of Sodom (which was the basis for Pasolini’s masterpiece of degradation Salo) and jerk off to the scene in Eyes Wide Shut where Nicole Kidman is sitting on the toilet, will find that their brand of barbaric Animal House sexuality, with its worn copies of Adam, Sir, Hustler and Club International is shunted to the side. There's a even a mathematical formula for altruism famously offered by the evolutionary biologist W. D. Hamilton which has added one more nail to the coffin of sexual inequity with its labyrinth of delicious Catholic shame, documented so amply in the recent blockbuster hit Spotlight. Gone are the days when it was as Mel Brooks elegantly said “good to be the king” or better yet an archbishop! There are no more bunnies wearing tails and as of its March issue Playboy will do away with nudity and before long neither girls nor guys will cover their whoosy whatsis with fig leaves. Yes a certain innocence seems like it’s creeping into the bedroom, like a slow metastasizing cancer, but don’t worry. Once a pickle no more a cucumber. There'll never be another Eden.