Miss Lonelyhearts

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm writing to you about something different than love--though it has to do with Foreign Affairs. I have a sonnet which I think is right for the esteemed journal of international affairs whose title is also a metaphor for Adultery. It's about "the flowers falling at spring's end,  confused, whirled, in a tangle" as Ezra Pound put it. Richard Haass is the editor and I don't know if he is interested in poetry especially if it's pathetically fallacious. I also have another question. It won't take long. I have always had the desire to order in from defunct Chinese restaurants whose grease-stained menus I collect. What about the #1, chicken chow main, fried rice, egg roll from Queen Dragon? I know what I will say to Foreign Affairs. I have a form letter I use. Thank you for your rejection slip. We don't have time to respond personally to each rejection, but we wish the best in rejecting other authors who submit their works to you. I don't know what the former owners of the Chinese restaurant can do. And what about sending notices of sales on meat to The Economist, upskirt images to the "voyeurs" column at The Spectator  and data on dogs that sniff explosives to The Guardian? What about submitting fiction to hospital emergency rooms or ICUs? I know what you're going to say. You'll say those doctors and nurses have better things to do. I have to go.

Anonymous--NYC

read John Baum's NPR review of The Kafka Studies Department

and listen to "Night Fever" by the Bee Gees