Monday, June 28, 2021

Introducing the Self-Driving Fork

Tesla Autopilot

Tesla produced one of the first self-driving cars ("When Will Self- Driving Cars Rule the Roads?" Malcolm Gladwell, GPS, 6/27/21), but it poses the question of what other devices could be programmed to operate without the benefit of the human mind? Just look around your kitchen or bathroom for starters. How about a self-driving fork or toothbrush, a self-eating apple that auto masticates (ie takes bites out of itself). Naturally any food could self-driving. Let’s say you’re suffering from anorexia, you might have a box of those Omaha self-eating steaks sent to you. Human beings are prehensile creatures which means they walk upright and can use their hands, but let’s pretend that people had not evolved to this level. Self-involvement is a characteristic of homo sapiens. The next step is to be self-driven (the furthest extension of the self made man) which means you're always on auto-pilot. You have undoubtedly met individuals with mechanical pre-programmed responses to everything. Take this to its logical conclusion. Say you're proposing marriage. Have Siri or Alexa do it for you. The same with testimony before the judge in the ensuing divorce. Alexa knows you're going to say you're a victim who was emotionally abused. All you have to do is sign the matrimonial equivalent of a DNR and she will take care of it for you. Then there's the self-written valedictory speech and eulogy and on the presidential level, State of the Union. When it comes to the bathroom what about self-driving soaps, that unwrap themselves, then suds you up?

Read "The Driverless Car" by Francis Levy, HuffPost

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