When you retire from masturbation, do you get a pension?
This is a question asked by many people who are moving on in life and deal with
issues like Social Security and Medicaid. Masturbating is a job like anything
else and while it might not have produced a salary from which a social security
contribution was deducted, it still rightfully should produce benefits for men and women over 65. Unlike certain law firms and teaching institutions,
masturbation does not have a mandatory retirement age and there are many people
who will choose to masturbate until a ripe old age which will make the question of
pensions a non-issue (unlike with Social Security for instance masturbators do
not lose their accrued benefits if they fail to collect premiums by the date of
their eligibility). In fact, some anecdotal reports indicate that masturbation
is one of the few callings for which an older demographic proves to be
particularly well-suited. You might not choose to employ a senior citizen to do
heavy construction work or to involve him or herself in a criminal defense case
which involves long hours of cross-examining witnesses, but if you yourself are
an aging baby boomer you're likely to find that there's no reason to give up
your masturbating. Why throw the baby out with the bathwater?
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