Monday, May 7, 2018

Sperm Count: When You Retire From Masturbation, Do You Get a Pension?

When you retire from masturbation, do you get a pension? This is a question asked by many people who are moving on in life and deal with issues like Social Security and Medicaid. Masturbating is a job like anything else and while it might not have produced a salary from which a social security contribution was deducted, it still rightfully should produce benefits for men and women over 65. Unlike certain law firms and teaching institutions, masturbation does not have a mandatory retirement age and there are many people who will choose to masturbate until a ripe old age which will make the question of pensions a non-issue (unlike with Social Security for instance masturbators do not lose their accrued benefits if they fail to collect premiums by the date of their eligibility). In fact, some anecdotal reports indicate that masturbation is one of the few callings for which an older demographic proves to be particularly well-suited. You might not choose to employ a senior citizen to do heavy construction work or to involve him or herself in a criminal defense case which involves long hours of cross-examining witnesses, but if you yourself are an aging baby boomer you're likely to find that there's no reason to give up your masturbating. Why throw the baby out with the bathwater?

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