Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Home Run Bases Loaded

photo of Babe Ruth (Irwin, La Broad, & Pudlin)
What to do when you hit the complete opposite of a home run? Let’s say you have all these ducks lined up and you start to get into one of those psychotic states where you actually believe a miracle is going to occur and all the things you most want to happen—material things of course—all magically transpire on the same day. The girl or guy you liked has broken up with his significant other and you turn out to be the reason why. Of course if you’re a writer your short story has been accepted by The New Yorker (if not a poem and humor piece for the Shouts & Murmurs section too). You receive a substantial refund check from the IRS and you learn that you have been accepted for one of those prestigious residencies, let’s say the Rome Prize given by the American Academy. You're offered full room and board, in The Eternal City. It doesn’t get better than that, but it does. You got tickets for The Stones concert. You always said you were going to see the vaunted group before you or they expire and you’re not going to have to wait that long after all. In fact, the person you're mad about gives you a lukewarm hello (actually they're waving at someone else before they catch you in their peripheral vision). The New Yorker rejection arrives perfectly on time as always. You get a threatening letter from the IRS, which shows a large amount of interest accumulating on the money which it turns out you owe and there are no Stones tickets anywhere in sight, primarily because you  haven’t put yourself in the lottery which is usually created to deal with the demand. The best you can get is Joan Baez. Yes Joan Baez will be at The Beacon. It's the boobie prize. You can be one of her groupies with their walkers, if you act quickly. What to do? Nothing. There's nothing to do when you get this kind of news.

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