Thursday, August 18, 2016

Shit or Miss

Horse Feces (photo: Basotxerri)
Have you ever had a public toilet flush before you're ready to get up? Have you ever worried that an overzealous electric eye will result in someone else’s excretions landing in the wrong place and giving you an STD?  What guidelines govern feces? What weight and size excrement manages to sneak under the wire? What sets off an alarm in an automated toilet? What guidelines are put in place by the Bureau of Weights and Standards? In the old days going to a public bathroom was no party, but you manually flushed when you were done. It’s a little like what goes on with sinks and soap dispensers today. In a technological advanced roadside bathroom, it’s shit or miss whether radar will pick you up and you’ll be able to wash your hands where in the past after flushing the toilet  and maybe feeling a little proud of your healthy deposit, you walked over to the sink and either turned the handle or pumped the water and then soap dispenser. Life was easier. There was no mystery and you didn’t run into the danger of getting too much water in your butt and too little on your hands. Automation has its positive side. You don’t often walk into the stall of a public bathroom anymore to seeing someone else’s big angry log daring you to sit down. On the other hand if you’re going to depend on facial and voice recognition, you’re going to want something that’s a bit more exacting than what you’re sometimes offered in this mechanized age. Smart phones are now taken for granted. What is needed are equally smart toilets.

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