Master Bater Gave the School Head

Herr Pubic was the stentorian German teacher, but it was Master Bater the school’s head who made the boys’ teeth chatter and their bodies shake. Bater was English and had rowed at Eat On. Ms Spewforth, the chair of the board of Over Bearers at Exclusive Academy would address the parent body about a challenging curriculum that honed to the Latin words mens room in corpore sano and included riding and hunting (no boy would be awarded his graduation certificate unless he shot grouse). Master Bater liked to talk about the well-rounded Renaissance people that emerged every June on graduation day. Our valedictorian had been Herpes and the salutatarian was Arestes. The stunningly beautiful and Cordelia-like Clitoris was the runner up. The only problem was that Ms Spewforth went on in the hot sun and smelling salts had to be administered not only to graduates but their parents too. The school’s coat of arms was lambskin and many of the graduates wore legacies. It was a truly democratic academy. The admission policy was reflected in the school symbol which bore some semblance to The White Castle logo. 

Read "The Magic White Castle" by Francis Levy, TheScreamingPope

and catch "Cool Jerk" by The Capitols (1966)