Thursday, November 26, 2015

Tiinnitus and Tintinnabulation

Acquired by Henry Walters, 1922
Tinnitus is a ringing in the ear and when it’s chronic, it can be quite annoying, particularly when it seems like it’s never going to stop. Tintinnabulation also refers to a sound but in this case it’s the ringing of bells. Both words derive from the Latin tinnire, to ring. The ringing of bells is a little like perpetual motion. Though it comes and it goes, usually ending with a Doppler like effect as the last swinging barely strikes a chord, it conveys a wave like feeling, that church goers associate with the sound of eternity. Ringing in the ears or tinnitus, on the other hand, when it’s not a source of torment, is a little like the sound of the sea that you hear when you put a shell to your ears. The sound is not that of waves crashing, but simply of the general subterranean firmament that's a counterpart to the vastness and power exerted by celestial bodies. You've heard of solar flares and sun storms. In the movie The Conversation the saxophonist and private eye Gene Hackman turns up the volume to overhear criminals converse. Imagine turning down the volume on this enormous and ongoing roar of power to the point where it was digestible to the human ear and you’d probably get something that sounds a little bit like the inside of a shell. "Ring My Bell" was a disco era song sung by Anita Ward and the bell rings when a round of boxing is to begin. But while the subject is love or fisticuffs, it doesn’t convey the majesty of either the world in a shell or of the ringing of church bells that you hear on a Sunday morning on the Janiculum, one of the hills overlooking Rome. Here is a line from Brendan Behan’s The Hostage, “The bells of hell go ting-a-ling for you but not for me... Oh! death where is they sting-a-ling. Oh! grave thy victory.”And then there’s of course “Ding dong the witch is dead" from The Wizard of Oz. And don’t forget that bell tower in Hitchcock’s Vertigo.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Sperm Count: Severed Head Rejoined

In his obit of Carol Doda (“Carol Doda, 78, Pioneer ofTopless Entertainment, Dies at 78,”) NYT, 11/14/15), Sam Roberts remarks, “Her bust was said to have been insured for $1.5 million.” Looking at the picture accompanying the article one can see why. Roberts quotes the famous San Francisco Chronicle columnist Herb Caen in characterizing Ms. Doda as “the Susan B. Anthony of this particular liberating movement.” But she really could have been called the Susan DD. Anthony, since according to Roberts she injected "her breasts with enough silicone to expand her bra size to 44DD from 34B.” All of this raises profound questions of medical ethics. Who was the insurance company and does the kind of insurance Ms. Doda bought fall within the parameters of the type of umbrella policy that many people purchase for cars and other valuable objects in their houses? And what about other porn stars like John Holmes who sported the male equivalent of big breasts, a huge cock? Was he insured by Mutual of Omaha or the Prudential and for how much? And then there was, of course, the famed Superman, who was one of the major tourist sites in Havana back in the Batista era? But what about others outside the porn industry? An article on ESPN ("Underwriting with the stars," ESPN, 10/8/09) states that while Dave Beckham insured his legs for $78 million, Takeru Kobayashi the competitive eater was unable to find an insurer who would provide coverage on his stomach. And if you can insure a breast, why not insure a brain? It would be interesting to find out if “the sage of Omaha,” Warren Buffett, whose Berkshire Hathaway has profited mightily in the field of reinsurance, is covered for his cerebral cortex. Are we likely to stumble on a tabloid caption which reads, “Severed Head Rejoined?" But such questions are a little like hitting someone below the belt. Perhaps it’s more fair to talk about covering organs that are a little closer to home. Take John Wayne Bobbitt whose wife Lorena famously cut off his penis. Once you wreck a car, your premiums go up and one wonders if someone like Bobbitt whose penis had already been severed once could even afford the premiums on a policy which would indemnify him against future losses of the same kind. The title of the film John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut preempts many of these queries. 

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Sperm Count: The Decline and Fall of the Playboy Nude

A mixture of sadness and relief has greeted the coming demise of the Playboy nude. A virtual institution of the male imagination, the nude will disappear from Playboy starting with the March issue. Needless to say barbershops will never be the same, but experts in workplace economics predict that the time of the average American male’s haircut will be cut by approximately 5 minutes, due to the fact that barbers will no longer have to stop while their customers turn centerfolds upside down and sideways. Figuring that the average barber cuts the hair of approximately 20 customers per day (2 per hour for a l0 hour day) that will save approximately 100 minutes, which will mean that the revenue of the average barber will increase by three haircuts a day. If the average barber works approximately 250 days per year that comes to 750 more haircuts, at approximately $25 per haircut equals an increased profit of $18,750. Not chump change. The increased income will undoubtedly have broad ramifications for the American economy, as the demand for goods and services will be increased by the thousands of barbers with more disposable income. What else can we say about the demise of the Playboy nude? It’s not just a matter of economics, but unrequited love. If you’re a male you may remember falling for a particular bunny. You ripped out her pictorial spread and placed it on your wall, but that was never enough. You brought the glossy pages of the magazine to your face and even into bed at night, hoping to close the distance, as the gazing at your Eurydice only doomed her to disappear back into the Underworld of Playboy Enterprises.

Monday, November 23, 2015

Killing Bill , Abaaoud and Abdeslam

Terrorism consultants and military experts, interviewed about ISIS, have not shied away from using the word “kill.” Degrade, terminate with extreme prejudice, eliminate, contain, control and marginalize are some of the euphemisms that have previously been employed in discussing enemies. In fact when violence is being perpetrated against an enemy, even by those whose behavior is totally defensible, euphemism has, up until recently, been the favored figure of speech. Those who were rounded up after 9/11 underwent “extraordinary rendition,” which usually meant the use of techniques like waterboarding to gain access to information. Will the French employ their linguistic  equivalent of the term “extraordinary rendition" if Salah Abdeslam, one of the chief suspects in the Bataclan massacre, who is currently the subject of an international manhunt, is captured? It’s unlikely that anyone is gong to bother to mince words, but what are the extent of the powers enjoyed by the French police and army under the three month state of emergency that has been declared. The Napoleonic Code is not the American constitution, especially when it comes to the presumption of innocence and it's unlikely, considering the level of rage in France now, that cruel and unusual punishment will be too much of a concern when it comes to captured terrorists. The French have plainly had enough. Marcel Ophuls’ The Sorrow and The Pity gave a good picture of how collaborators were treated after the Vichy government had been defeated, though the punishments involving public humiliation (with collaborationist women’s heads being shaved) were quite a bit more benign than what’s likely to be dished out to suspected Jihadists. Still you do a double take when you hear an otherwise levelheaded sounding diplomat or news commentator using the word  “kill” when in a civilized democracy we usual try, sentence and then appeal to Justice with her two scales where those who break the social contract are concerned. Kill Bill was the title of the Quentin Tarantino movie. Now it’s just “Kill!” and God help all of us. “The horror! The horror?” were the final words uttered by Mr. Kurtz in Conrad's Heart of Darkness. Earlier Kurtz also writes, “Exterminate all the brutes!"

Friday, November 20, 2015

A Nobel Prize for War?

Alfred Nobel
The Times headline read, “Boko Haram Ranked Ahead of ISIS for Deadliest Terror Group," (NYT, 11/18/15) and the story went on to report that “Boko Haram, the militant group that has tortured Nigeria and its neighbors for years, was responsible for 6664 deaths last year,  more than any other terrorist group in the world, including the Islamic state, which killed 6073 people in 2014.” The figures come from an organization The Times identifies as the Institute of Economics & Peace, but it makes one think that there's a crying need for a central clearing house where the success of terrorist plots, murderers, beheadings are all tallied with the aim of presenting year end awards to organizations which have been most successful in promoting terror. Boko Haram and ISIS may have ranked first and second, but where how did al-Qaeda fare? Competition is one way to build excellence in any field and there are undoubtedly many other fledgling terrorist organizations who would be helped if they could have their sights set on some kind of prize which like the Nobel might even come with a financial reward. We hear about how wealthy ISIS has become, but there are terrorist groups in Chechnya, in Malaysia, in the Philippines and Myanmar, (where there’s the seemingly oxymoronic prospect of militant Buddhists who want to rid the country of Muslims) all in sore need of funding so that they fulfill their dreams of killing thousands of people and one day finding glory as the winner of a prize. Studies will undoubtedly show that terrorist groups who win awards are also more feared than those who remain relatively low on the food chain in terms of recognition. Perhaps there should also be a terrorist hall of fame, like the one that celebrates our great baseball players, in Cooperstown. We vilify the Nazis, but during the Third Reich, many of those we regard as criminals today were considered heroes who would definitely have been qualified to be championship terrorists. If the world continues on its present course, perhaps someday there will even be a Nobel Prize for War.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Gangs of New York: A Sequel

Some of the comments about the backgrounds of the ISIS gunmen responsible for the Paris massacre point to the fact that they're former criminals who have finally found a sense of purpose in identifying with a fascist and totalitarian ideology. Going further some of these self-same commentators have referred to ISIS as one gigantic street gang say like the highly organized gangs that populate maximum security prisons in America—the Crips, the Bloods, the Aryan Brotherhood. And it’s obvious that conventional warfare is not going to work against this band of outlaws since they're not a real army. Why not then fight fire with fire and enlist the help of our own violent criminals in subduing the ISIS threat? Talk about boots on the ground. Forget about bombing Raqqa. How about emptying  the residents of our most violent prisons into the ISIS capitol under the cover of darkness. The reward for this new army would be rehabilitation. Surely the tactics they would use to subdue the enemy would not be the kind of thing you learn in the U.S Army War College. If ISIS is spreading throughout Europe, send the Bloods to Europe. Talk about street smarts. Surely they will sniff out the enemy faster than any traditional intelligence service could. No one can predict a criminal’s behavior better than another criminal. And while they’re at it, our violent gangs will rid the world of al-Qaeda and Bashar al-Assad. Who would you rather have running Syria and Iraq, ISIS or one of the violent motorcycle gangs who brawled outside a Twin Peaks in Waco, Texas last spring (“Waco biker gang shootout kills 9 outside Twin Peaks," CNN, 5/20/15)?