The Perfect Compliment For Donald Trump

Uriah Heep (drawing by Fred Barnard)

Remember Gilda Radner aka Emily Litella's famous remark about “Soviet Jewelry.”  Jimmy Fallon indulged in a similar bit of word play in a skit where Donald Trump is consulting President Obama about a potential running mate ("Jimmy Fallon's 'Trump' Calls 'Obama' After Indiana Win," The Hill, 5/5/16. When Obama asks him what he is looking for he says “someone who compliments me.” When Obama prosecutes the point asking "you mean someone who has a different skill set than you?" Trump responds, "No, I mean someone who literally compliments me, like 'Donald, you're great.'" It’s a particularly ingenious piece of humor since it’s so true not only of Trump, but presidential candidates in general. No candidate wants some independent personality who's just going to go their own way. That was the cross John McCain had to bear when Sarah Palin came aboard. Joe Biden is probably what Trump would be looking for in a running mate. If you ever watch him at a Presidential event he looks totally smitten. A good presidential running mate has to be an A+ ass kisser. But sadly Biden will not be on Trump’s short list, more because he wouldn’t be caught dead there than because he’s a democrat. If Trump is looking for someone who compliments him, he needs to find the Republican version of Joe Biden. Chris Christie? Nah there’s too much of him especially if you're looking for someone to complement rather than compliment. Ben Carson? The problem with him is that his look of adoration is too otherworldly. He’s on the stairway to heaven. Mary Fallin, the governor of Oklahoma says she would be honored, but anyone who is paying compliments even before she gets the job is obviously looking for compliments herself. So who are we left with? Ideally you need someone as unctuous as Uriah Heep, but with a knowledge of Washington. Who would make be the perfect selfless politician to run with Donald Trump, who’s adoration is pure, who complements by paying compliments?  The answer is no one. What we are talking about is unconditional love, of the kind that only a child can offer. Yes the perfect addition to the ticket is none other than Trump’s own daughter Ivanka.  If you have ever watched her at a televised rally, she looks at her father with the same rapture that Joe Biden shows for Barack Obama.The only problem with Ivanka, in terms of her potential as a second fiddler, are the rumors that she's the one who's calling the shots.

And Here’s Johnny!

Johnny Carson was so smooth that he stepped out of history into oblivion. Like the average parent, his legacy is only carried forward by his children, Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and the other late night talk show hosts. This is where Johnny Carson differed from Shakespeare whose legacy will probably be carried on as long as consciousness exists in the universe. Before Carson we had Jack Paar, but he was sui generis and exists in the minds of a few aficionados. A good comparison would be the other confreres of Shakespeare, minor Elizabethan and Jacobean playwrights like Webster and Marston. But there was something Shakespearean about Carson too, if you look at Johnny as Prince Hal and Ed McMahon as a real life Falstaff, roaring “And here’s Johnny.” And then there was Carnac the Magnificent, the famous alter ego who made intermittent appearances, in his big floppy hat, a mixture of Rembrandt and one of the great Vogue models of the 50’s. Johnny was not like the celebrities of today. You heard about Joanna Carson and his other wives, but he was curiously private, for someone who was such a dominant presence on late night television right up until 1992, when he retired from The Tonight Show and slipped into obscurity. Andy Warhol famously said that everyone has 15 minutes of fame. Johnny had 30 years, before his star burnt out.