An Army of Depressives

Civilian Conservation Corps (U.S. National Archives and Records Administration)

What are the virtues of treating suicidal ideation and depression by killing oneself with exercise. Firstly, you become strong. If you haven’t noticed, there are whole cadres of depressed people walking the streets who all look like Popeye due to their huge bulging biceps. If more depressed people glom onto the notion that they can release endorphins and change their lives by undertaking death defying workouts and involving themselves in extreme sports like climbing Everest, surfing kahunas produced by hurricanes and entering MMA competitions, then the world might not be better, but will certainly be a different place. It almost axiomatic that anyone who has built their body into an impregnable fortress is protecting themselves from things that are usually imagined. However, the net result for society is the creation of an army of warriors who have at least partially overcome a debilitating condition. On the most basic level, these soldiers of misfortune can serve as a power of example to those who are suffering from similar problems and ideally can also serve as potential guides. Therapy is usually ineffective in the face of clinical depression. Drugs of the illegal kind like opiates result in addiction and prescription drugs  reduce some sufferers (albeit not all) to semi-vegetative states. But exercise can do for the depressive what the CCC did for the legions of poverty stricken Americans during the real Depression. Buff depressives with six packs and sci-fi level aerobic capacities will defend our cities against thieves and terrorists while helping to rebuild the infrastructures of decaying cities like Detroit.

Will Ed Snowden Use Liberty Travel?

Taking the cue from Vladimir Putin who has said that “As a transit passenger, he (Ed Snowden) has the right to buy a ticket and fly wherever he wants,” (“Vladimir Putin: Edward Snowden Still in Moscow Airport Transit Zone, Won’t Be Extradited,” The Huffington Post, 6/25/13) apocryphal travel agents with suspiciously suggestive names are vying to work on his itinerary. The American chain Liberty Travel may not have yet gotten into the fray, but amongst the contenders are such mythological giants as Fugitive Travel, Lost Continent, Trudge the Path of Happy Destiny, Witness Protection Tours, Vanishing Point and New Horizon Line Travel. Whether some of these fictitious agencies will be contacting Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic remains to be seen, as it’s unclear whether Mr. Putin’s statement about Ed Snowden being free to go where he wants applies to outer space. For instance, if Snowden were to be landed on the moon, could he still be extradited by United States authorities (ditto the International Space station or comets which may be approaching the orbit of the earth). Some other potential destinations that fictitious travel agents might be considering include Waziristan (the mountainous region of Pakistan favored by the Taliban), Somalia (home of the sea piracy industry) and Pyongyang, which are all considered extradition proof by most experts in the field. One of the nicest properties that is also on the list is the peak of Mount Everest, from which no fugitives have ever been known to be extradited—though as a vacation property its magnificent views are often obscured by inclement weather. Meanwhile, further questions have been asked about whether Snowden will be able to transfer U.S. course credits to universities in countries where he might be offered asylum. For instance if he had ever taken an introductory course in Public Speaking at an American or European University would he get course credit in Havana or Quito?