Thursday, February 12, 2015

Does Queen Elizabeth II Fart?

photo: NASA/Bill Ingalls
Does Queen Elizabeth II fart? And if so do her farts smell? This could be asked about other major world figures. But it seems like a partly apt question to ask about the highest ranking member of one of the great royal families The House of Windsor. Of course, we want to know about the farting of celebs like Kim Kardashian, (particularly because of certain morphological features she possesses which showcase flatulence). “Let me tell you about the very rich. They are different from you and me,” F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote. The same applies to royalty, but to what extent? Clairol’s famous intoned, “Does she...or doesn’t she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure.” One could ask Prince Philip, but it is unlikely that he and the Queen share the same bed and even if they did, he would probably be loathe to spill the beans. Only Queen Elizabeth’s GI guy or gal is likely to know for sure, but mum is likely to be the word with them too. It’s important to pose questions like this because intestines are really tantamount to insides. Shitting, farting and belching are the great levelers and if you are certain that “beans beans the musical fruit/the more you eat, the more you toot” applies to everyone, then you can be sure that humanity rather than titles or talents is what really  unites our race. When you're exposed to a big time celebrity like Kim Kardashian, with an impossibly beautiful butt, or a major rock star, politician , artist or screen idol and feel inferior due to his or her status or talent, remember that they belch and fart just like you and me. Don’t imagine them receiving a Nobel or Oscar. Don’t imagine Beyonce or Jay Z receiving a another Grammy, imagine them on vacation in Mexico suffering from Montezuma’s revenge.

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