Rants and reactions to contemporary politics, art and culture.
Monday, December 26, 2016
Sperm Count: Was Blind Justice Multitasking?
When you're young you masturbate, but when you get on in
years you masticate. You’ve seen old codgers chewing their cud.A young man in the heart of his prime doesn’t
think twice about carving up a piece of steak, but as you get older things that
were taken for granted now become the mountain to climb, especially if you’ve
got to work around implants or dentures. A young man can shake a leg literally,
holding his penis in one hand while gnawing on a drumstick with the other and
there are young women who eat their take out Chinese with a vibrator in one
hand and chopsticks in the other. Multitasking is really for the young who
don’t think twice about having sex while relieving themselves on the toilet. Remember
plumpkin, the sexual act that occurs when a guy is being blown while taking a
shit? It’s a pleasure of the young. Can you imagine aging Lothsarios having the aerobic
wherewithal to indulge in such a pursuit? There are some people who think that
the model for the Statue of Liberty was up to some kind of strange activity
when she held the torch on high. Every one subscribes to the notion that she was embracing freedom, but there are those who think she was holding on to something else--only you have to be young to engage in activities like that. You even
have to be young to pull the wool over people’s eyes and what about Justice with
her scales and blindfold. What if Blind Justice were a fetishist?
Francis Levy's debut novel, Erotomania: A Romance, was released in August 2008 by Two Dollar Radio.
His short stories, criticism, humor, and poetry have appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The New Republic, The Village Voice, The East Hampton Star, The Quarterly, Penthouse, Architectural Digest, TV Guide, The Journal of Irreproducible Results, and other publications. One of his Voice humor pieces was anthologized in The Big Book of New American Humor (HarperCollins). He is presently the Co-Director of The Philoctetes Center for the Multidisciplinary Study of Imagination (philoctetes.org), where he supervises roundtable discussions on topics as varied as “The Psychology of the Modern Nation State” and “Modern Traffic Theory, Behavior, and Imagination”.