Thursday, July 14, 2011

More Pricks Than Kicks

Most men would rather die a thousand deaths than have their penises cut off. Most men would rather boil in oil. Castrated sex offenders aren’t happy, but they, at least, are allowed to keep their joints. Even in old age, when the once proud appendage becomes a withered carrot, there is always hope for divine intervention and ultimately resurrection—an immaculate conception in copulation. The desired object or moment of bliss will arrive and awaken the dead for one final mind-blowing fuck. Perhaps that’s what happened to Nelson Rockefeller, who died in flagrante in a 54th Street townhouse, making it impossible for his wife to live up to her name, Happy. The Huffington Post reports that Catherine Kieu Becker of Garden Grove, California, and her husband were in the midst of a divorce when she decided to administer a drug and tie him up before inflicting the final insult. Garden Grove certainly doesn’t sound like Eden, despite the alluring name. “Becker cut his penis off with a knife and threw it in the garbage disposal, turning it on as she did so” (Huffington Post, “Catherine Kieu Becker Accused of Cutting off Her Estranged Husband’s Penis,” 7/13/1). A local law enforcement official named Lt. Jeff Nightengale told HuffPost, “I’ve been doing this for 22 years and the only other time I remember this happening was when Lorena Bobbitt did it, and that didn’t even happen here. This is not a typical domestic violence case—it’s way over the top.” Samuel Beckett wrote a collection of short stories called More Pricks Than Kicks—apparently he managed to hold on to his.

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