Unmiraculous 34th Street

There are no miracles on 34^th Street anymore. 34^th Street is the paradigm of all that is wrong with an American street or a street anywhere for that matter. 34^th Street in Manhattan lies in the shadow of the nearby Penn Station, which is virtually imploding, but that’s a case of urban blight that’s actually a sui generis expression of the failure of the human spirit. In terms of 34^th Street Penn Station is important only since it has catalyzed 34^th street’s fall into a place not only devoid of miracles but exemplary of urban despair. A mall is usually composed of chain stores and fast food outlets. 34^th Street has all the characteristics of a run down mall without the relief of the kind of communal space you find say on the Deuce, which recently completed gender reassignment surgery and is now  a bona fide New Jersey mall. But 34^th Street is not only made by the shops, its particular lack of character is also result of the kind of people who go there. No street attracts more wimps, penny-ante hustlers and bottom feeders than 34th.  The middle verging on lo-brow Macy’s may help in creating the unique feeling of hopelessness that characterizes the demographic. Capping the mood, is the presence of the DMV License X-Press office between Eighth and Ninth Avenues. Here women with averted  eyes and leering men wait for their numbers B112, B113, B114 so that they can get learners permits and license renewals. Moving to the East along 34th we have the grand old Empire State, which King Kong once hiked up with Fay Wray in hand and a disgruntled office worker recently went on a shooting rampage (“2 dead, 9 wounded in Empire State Building shootings, police say,” CNN, 8/25/12) The space occupied by the grand old Longchamps Showboat is now the Heartland Brewery, where other disgruntled office workers drown their sorrows and the once grand B. Altman, across the way, offers a ray of light, having been turned into a CUNY’s Graduate Center--though school is school.

Anthony Abedin For Mayor

Weiner should really change his name to Adedin. There is nothing that says that a husband can’t take his wife’s surname. Sure it could be Weiner-Abedin. That’s the politically correct way to do it, but choosing Abedin would show that Anthony Weiner is making a commitment to being a new person. Anyway there are too many Weiners in New York and we are on the verge of saying good-bye to a Bloomberg. Maybe NewYork's had too many nice Jewish boys or would be nice Jewish boys running for the mayoralty. Maybe the message is that it's time for Weiner to transform himself, to graduate. Remember The Graduate? Abedin is a nice Muslim name and if New York wants to show that it’s a truly cosmopolitan city and also the mecca of finance and the arts, we need to elect a Muslim sounding mayor. Anthony Abedin--the name has a certain gravitas and it doesn’t hurt that his other half is a prominent member of Hillary Clinton’s team. Just let it run through your lips Hizzoner Anthony Abedin. Sounds a lot better than Huma Weiner, by the way, and maybe someday Abingdon Square will be renamed Abedin Square. Abedin can also compete nicely with Jewish sounding names which connote a facility with commerce. Where are you going to shop if you are given the choice of Macy's or Saks? Why of course the answer is none of the above. You’re going to Abedin’s since it’s a little different. If I were at the airport and wanted to buy my wife a necklace, would I go to H. Stern or the new boy on the block?