Time Out

Gravity Probe B Orbiting Earth to Measure Space-Time

No one wears watches anymore. They’ve become as much of an anachronism as cursive handwriting whose death occurred in less than a generation. The next to go will be time itself. In essence who needs it? Time is a little like Newtonian physics, something you hold onto for the sake of practicality. You aren't going to trust your life to relativity theory or quanta, especially since no one has solved the vexing problem of a unified theory between the macro and micro worlds. However, time is, nevertheless, on the verge of obsolescence, nudged gently into oblivion by space. The Roman Numerals on antique clocks will soon be Greek to many people. The pragmatist says of course we need time. Without it, how will I get to my doctor’s appointment? How will I get to the church on time? The answer is that much of life will be lived in the head since the idea of teleportation will become a reality. People who are crippled by ALS are still able to communicate thoughts to computers using BCI or Brain Computer Interface which transcribe with the same tools that are used in voice recognition. It won’t be long before you will only have to think something to make it happen. And, yes, about that toothache? You won’t need to get to your dental appointment on time, since your dentist will be able to fill the cavity remotely using the same process that jurors will employ to come to their verdicts: thought.

Park Ave S&M Mag Ring Exposed!

Undercover investigators have discovered a ring aimed at placing highly graphic sadomasochistic pornography in the practices of prominent Park Avenue internists. Informed sources within the office of the Manhattan DA have reported highly detailed blueprints showing how magazines like People in Stocks, Anus Mirabilis and The Scarlet Letter would be added to the worn piles of innocuous weeklies and monthlies like The New Yorker, Time, The Atlantic and Smithsonian which generally appeal to affluent patients. It is uncertain what the purpose of the ring was, but there has been speculation that it might be part of the disruptive activities engineered by the Occupy Wall Street movement. Others have speculated that the plans might have emanated from a totally opposite side of the political spectrum, for example Tea Party organizers hoping to foment a tide of revulsion which could adversely affect First Amendment rights. The plan to place the magazines in the doctors’ offices is regarded as a civil rights violation as well as a terrorist act to the extent that the images in question could cause immediate harm and even death in certain cases. The investigation which has been going on for years has resulted in the arrests of ten suspects who have been charged with conspiracy to provoke  under a number of statutes in the Homeland Security Act. The ten suspects who have already been water boarded, arraigned and released on bail could face lengthy prison terms if convicted.