All Things Depressing

Photo of Robert Siegel/Doby Photography/NPR

There are Deadheads and All Things Considered Heads who get as much of a rush out of hearing “I’m Melissa Block and I’m Robert Siegel…” as Grateful Dead fans got from hearing The Dead singing “Brokedown Palace.” Which makes one contemplate spinoffs. Taking the news stories of All Things Considered as a staring point, might NPR create shows that accent the bright side, All Things Considerate and the dark side, All Things Depressing, of the news? Since most news is bad these days, All Things Depressing would naturally dominate. Besides the fiscal cliff, the fiscal cliff and more fiscal cliff, All Things Depressing could be a chance for in depth reporting on such subjects as: why the U.S. has still failed to ratify the Kyoto Protocol, why the Obama administration has not lived up to the campaign promise of the first election to close Guantanamo and what happens when Grease (aka Greece) goes down the tubes? All Things Depressing would also provide celebrities a forum to talk in the style say of Nathaniel West’s Miss Lonelyhearts. Lindsay Lohan might be brought in to comment on the colossal failure of her existence—epitomized by her recent and embarrassing attempt to portray one of the most iconic cinema stars of all time, Liz Taylor. Kim Kardashian could talk about the reason why her marriage to Kris Humphries lasted only 72 days. But this celebrity fodder could also be accompanied by heartfelt accounts about overdosing, miscarriages of children and justice and domestic violence from listeners. Every installment of All Things Depressing would conclude with a short essay, entitled “The Big Disappointment.” “On today’s ‘Big Disappointment’ you’ll hear the tale of a writer who's unsuccessfully pitched stories to Chicago Public Radio’s This American Life from the day the show first went on the air. Stay Tuned.”