Enough to Turn You Crimson

If you manage to get into Harvard and then go to Harvard Law School and from then on, The New Yorker and CNN, can you do anything you want? Are you like Caligula? That’s the question being scrutinized by The Cambridge (England) Union. Of course, the real issue derives in psychobabese from “narcissistic grandiosity.” In words that any Harvard graduate can understand, this means you develop the notion you can masturbate in front of prominent women colleagues on Zoom. The idea may insinuate itself as the germ of titillating temptation until it becomes a downright obsession, convincing yourself nothing untoward is happening anyway, since your video and audio functions are off (when, in fact, they're not). However, wouldn’t this action qualify as an old-fashioned Freudian slip? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but most of the time a cigar is a penis.